In the last warm week of the year, a leaf opened the chart. It was green. He felt like a genius.
SOLDTEMBER PICTURES PRESENTS
Soldtember
A SILLY SYMPHONY • IN AUTUMN COLOR • REEL 1 OF 1 • MCMXXIX
▲ poke him
“He sold the bottom in the fall of 1929.
He has been falling ever since.”
▼ ROLL THE FILM ▼
REEL ONE
THE DAY HE SOLD
He decided to wait for one more candle. He always decided to wait for one more candle.
Then the wind turned, and a small voice in the group chat said the two worst words in the forest: it’s over.
He sold. The wind carried him down. Behind him, quietly, the chart went up forty times.
THE CAST
IN ORDER OF LIQUIDATION
SOLDTEMBER
The leaf. Sold the exact bottom. Still bullish, somehow. Has never once hit the ground.
MR. GUST
The wind. Moves the entire chart. Has never read a single line of technical analysis.
OLD OAK
Two hundred rings. Bought once, a very long time ago, and has not spoken about it since.
THE SQUIRREL
Knew about winter back in July. Bought quietly. Told absolutely nobody. Very well fed.
FOUR SEASONS
OF ONE CHART, AS OBSERVED BY A LEAF
THE MARQUEE
NOW SHOWING — LIVE FROM THE DEX SCREEN
PRICE—
MARKET CAP—
24H VOLUME—
24H CHANGE—
THE SELL-O-METER IS WARMING UP
WAITING FOR THE PROJECTIONIST…
LEAVES ON THE GROUND TONIGHT: 0
HANDS SHAKEN OUT SINCE YOU ARRIVED: 0
TIMES YOU HAVE PANIC SOLD: 0
THE LEDGER
CONFESSIONS RECEIVED BY MAIL, UNSIGNED
— a leaf, somewhere over the forest
THE RECEIPT
FOUND IN HIS COAT POCKET, 1929
LEAF & CO. BROKERAGE
SOLDTEMBER PICTURES LOT 3
================================
CLERK: MR. GUST WINDOW: 04
DATE: THE LAST WARM DAY
1 x AUTUMN LEAF ........... SOLD
filled at ........... BOTTOM
reason .......... GROUP CHAT
held for ........... 4 HOURS
conviction ........... 100 %
conviction (after) ..... 0 %
1 x SECOND THOUGHTS ....... FREE
================================
REALISED GAIN ............. NONE
REALISED LOSS ............ SOME
TOTAL ........... ONE (1) STORY
================================
NO REFUNDS. NO RE-ENTRY.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PANIC.
COME AGAIN NEXT AUTUMN.
GET A TICKET
FOUR STEPS TO THE MATINEE
GET A WALLET
Phantom or Solflare. Write the twelve words on paper, like it’s 1929. Not in your notes app.
LOAD IT WITH SOL
Send SOL from any exchange. Leave a little for fees — the network eats leaves too.
SWAP FOR $SOLDTEMBER
Paste the contract from the top of this page. Check it twice. There are impostors in every forest.
THEN DO NOTHING
That is the whole joke. You have seen how this cartoon ends, and you have seen it from the inside.